I got Lost.
'I was lost but now I am found.'
No, this is not about to be a Biblical entry. It just felt appropriate.
I started blogging years ago & used it as an electronic journal - I typed faster than I could write, it was more legible & also easier to keep track of. Since then, I discovered my appreciation for writing & have also become better with words.. Sometimes. It wasn't until becoming pregnant & having Jackson when I realized my blogging could serve as purposeful & be influential. Even if I only had 2 followers - that was 2 more people I met over a common topic & the internet made it happen.
Once I set the personal goal of becoming a Blogger & Influencer (which thinking back on it now, I'm in awe of myself because that's quite a goal), I never would have thought I'd be where I am today. I remember the first blogger I really started following. She's a Fit Mommy & I was one of the many who became obsessed with her quick home workouts using what she could find but it was her kander about her being disappointed in finding out the gender of her 2nd baby that stuck with me. Not the topic but rawness. She was putting IT ALL out there & I really appreciated it. Not to mention her hospital bag realness was my Bible LOL.
But it was her influence on me that I wanted to be for others. I was coming to the end of my pregnancy & was looking for influential Momma's to look to because I didn't have a clue what I was doing haha. When I decided I wanted to really dive back into my blogging, the first challenge was to just let people know that I had a blog HAHAHA. As simple & silly as it sounds, in order to be influential, you have to be public, right? & back then, that was a HUGE step! Look where I am now! haha
From there, it was gaining subscribers / 'followers'. I think THIS was where my downfall was/is. Normally, when I think of a downfall, I think of it happening towards the end of the path or even a quick, one-way route South before the recovery. For me, my downfall was towards the beginning but had highs & lows.
I CONFUSED being INFLUENTIAL WITH the number of SUBSCRIBERS & FOLLOWERS.
Yes, in order to be one, you need the other. But the want for 'followers' shouldn't be the driving force to be influential. Does that make sense? There's that saying "being a big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond." Hell, I just trying to stay afloat!
After having Jackson, I realized my personal power & took off. Seriously, I've never felt so incredible - giving birth changed me for the better! I became liberated & empowered & I wanted to share this with everyone I came in contact with - including the blogging community & my 'followers'. I wanted to scream it so loud I lost my real intention. The line separating giving advice or information when it occurred to me became "when would be the best time to post this?" & "what hashtags do I need?" Basically, how do I reach the maximum amount of people to influence & it's still be genuine? But I could feel myself starting to loose the genuine part..
Recently, I've changed the list of people I 'follow' & look to for influence to not only be more women of color but REALISTIC human beings. Sure, they may have a filter on their pictures but they aren't constantly trying to sell me anything but the happiness bursting from their lives. HOW CORNY DOES THAT SOUND!?
But that's where it hit me. It was like running full force into a brick wall & I felt like an idiot. Yes, I love blogging & absolutely love working with brands (I'm still very new to the collaboration world) but it is not everything. Let me repeat that for myself & no one else. IT IS NOT EVERYTHING. I remember at one point, I had a list of people to reach out to because they'd either A. worked with other up & coming bloggers, B. I could see myself rocking their product or C. I was taking a shot in the dark. It started out very naive but turned full force very quickly.
Now, I'm not bashing those who work with brands. I've done it & I'm still doing it! I love it! But I'm realizing I'm not that kind of blogger & that's fine. I tried it because I thought it was what I was supposed to do & turns out it isn't completely. Should people reach out to me & want to work with me - LET'S DO THIS! If I don't have any more collaborations in the future, so be it. You live & you learn.
I'm Humble enough to know that i've got a ton of flaws.
but wise enough to know my heart is pure and soul is as dope as they come.
That's where this entry comes into play. Much like the Fit Mommy who unknowingly launched me into this chapter, her honesty kept me reading & I want to do the same with the group of people I've connected with thus far. Having a great 'following' & larger numbers on all fronts is great but it shouldn't be the end goal or driving force. I can sit pretty with my couple thousand (almost) & hopefully I'll rub off on them & then them on someone else. That's awesome! Quality over quantity, right?
So here's to a new beginning? No, a recommitment from my heart & going from there. I'll still continue certain entries that really set my soul on fire or I really feel the need to share but I guess the biggest adjustment will be on my side of the computer. I don't want to feel like I NEED to make an entry in order to keep up appearances. What kind of life is that!? Especially with Jackson growing up overnight, I don't have the time to spare sitting at the computer when Bubba is literally taking his first steps behind me.
I'm coming to terms that I may not be as 'big' as I want to be as a blogger but I literally started this a year ago. Good things take time & I can be influential with my little squad :) Thanks for reading!