My Husband is Not my Best Friend
Let me start off by reiterating how much I love my man. He's one of the best people I know & I'm glad I'm guaranteed to have him as my partner the rest of our lives. Those who know our history know how chill & hilarious we are but for those that don't, let me give you a quick recap..
Both of us ran cross country competitively in high schools in Virginia. We know now that we attended MANY of the same meets for years but never met- wasn't even on each other's radars. Fast-forward end of March 2013, through college, my Mom's death & me moving to Charleston to live with my Dad, Matt & I randomly meet in a bar at last call. He's been enlisted for a year & is in SC for A School & I had moved there 3 months earlier.
We hooked up a week after meeting (sorry Dad), hungout regularly after our jobs & developed a 'friendship.' 2 months later, he moved to NY for more school & we stayed in contact - I wanted to continue whatever we had going on but he was like "let's just stay in contact" -_- 9 months later, so many texts, FT calls, snail mails letters & random meet ups on the Coast, we made the decision I'd move across the country with him December 2014 - under a year of knowing each other.
Funny story: he did 'break up with me' for 24 hours while were long distance dating because he freaked out. Me, being the totally reasonable person I am, called my tattoo artist & got an anatomical tattoo on my left shoulder as a result - heart on my sleeve metaphor, get it? We cute. Anyways, he called the next day saying he's dumb & he couldn't be without me so I won :)
But yeah, I moved across the country where I knew no one, had no job prospects, no ring, just this dude I'd been in contact with for the past year (we had the bf/gf labels by then lol). He proposed with a Ring Pop March or 2014, we were married the following month, April 11, 2014 in a small courthouse ceremony. NO, I wasn't pregnant nor was he about to go on a deployment. We wanted BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing - sailors receive this to cover housing once they're married). I'm serious LOL.
Half a decade later & we're still going strong. 4 years of marriage, about to have 2 kids, 2 dogs, a house, our privilege van - we are living it up together! But he is still not my best friend.
Best love? Hell yes.
Father of my kids? Duh.
Partner? Couldn't imagine a better one.
Bestie? Forget it.
As you read, we met at total random & moved forward with some speed I honestly don't know how I was so confident in. Our year of friendship was built over distance & weird hours, not seeing each other constantly. When we first lived together, it was actually pretty amazing! We drank together, woke up to each other, danced in our underwear & even shared a car when we both worked different jobs. Sharing a space together came naturally for us.
It wasn't until we decided to get married is when we started to butt heads. Financially, I WAS A MESS. Worst credit score ever, Lord knows how many student loans that I believed if I ignored, they'd go away -_- Yeah, I was that person. Then there was Matt, who viciously checked each months bank balance like it was his job. They aren't kidding when they say opposites attract. We started having those hard conversations: financial obligations, expectations (whether realistic or dream) for each other & ourselves, kids, etc.
It's during these conversations, I knew he'd never be my best friend & I loved that.
Sometimes, it helps me to compartmentalize things. Like this goes with this & that goes with that. These were productive conversations we were having to find a solution, not gossip, looking for support or a sounding board. I was looking to further my relationship with this person, my husband.
Now don't get me wrong. I have my best friend & his name is Josh. He's been in my life longer than Matt but both my friendship with Josh & relationship with Matt grew at the same damn time, yet I never confused the 2. Josh is the person I go to to vent, watch our shows together, cry on the phone with, talk to all damn day & never tire of a subject - honestly, he's the brother I never had.
Then on the flip, Matt is my lover, babies Daddy - partner for life. I feel like people don't seriously understand that phrase. You are with this person FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THROUGH IT ALL UNTIL DEATH. Life throws curveballs at you & changes up your pattern. Presents you with seasons of life. Friends waver in & out which is expected but not this person. This partner is FOR LIFE. I feel like once we really broke that down & understood the gravity of it, everything fell into place.
Just like I love Jackson (& soon to be Miles) more than others (they mine), the same is said for how I love Matt. He is my spouse, my partner - not my best friend.